God has been dropping little unexpected shots of encouragement for the last very stressful, scary 24 hours. A week ago I went to the Ob/Gyn. She ordered a mammogram and sonogram b/c of my new found "strong family history" of breast cancer, which is also related to ovarian cancer. Yesterday morning I went in for the sonogram to check my ovaries. I left with the sonogram technician telling me that my ovaries looked normal, but that I would need an MRI b/c there was a "spot near my bladder". That's all she could tell me and I would have to wait for my doctor to call.
What?
My mom had taken Ella and Piper for the morning and was meeting me back at the hospital where I stood, looking out the window for them, fighting back tears. All I could think of was how desperately I wanted to be alive for my family. My kids need a mommy, each one of them. I wondered how I would get through this day, going through the motions, waiting for the phone to ring. Abdominal symptoms I've had for several years flooded my mind.
About 4 hours later, my doctor called and explained that they couldn't tell if the marble sized spot they saw is on my uterus or bladder. The most probable explanation is that it's on my uterus and is just a fibroid tumor (not cancerous). So tomorrow I'll have an MRI, not quite how I pictured spending the week before Christmas. But what about this year has been how I pictured it?
Today, this landed in my inbox, and the message couldn't have been clearer to me. The words of this post are true and real. I am living them right now. The unseen realities of this world seem so much more real to me than ever before. God is up to something. My hunger for Him is strong. My need for Him is huge.
I am praying for spot to be nothing. I am also praying this experience of waiting would be used by the Lord to help me to see, with new eyes. To see Him more clearly, to love what He loves, and live for the things of this world that are lasting and true.
Never in a million years did I anticipate that I'd someday write a post about my uterus and my bladder! I hope to be back tomorrow with a very boring post about uterine fibroids...
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2 comments:
I went through a very similar experience a year ago, and spent several sleepless nights googling symptoms, letting my mind run wild. It wasn't until a wise friend prayed, and spoke scripture into my heart that I was able to calm down and just trust God. I was able to drown out the evil whispers of fear with the bold truth of God's grace in my life. Praise God it all turned out fine, but I can truly identify with your thoughts of your children, and the terrors that can plague our minds.
I'm praying for you... you have a lot to handle right now, but remember that God is holding you firmly in His hand. This Christmas season, His name "Emmanuel, God with us" resonates in my soul, and I hope it comforts you as well. You are not alone, He is with you.
Oh Dena how can that be? I'm praying for you too, and that you'll have definitive answers from the doctors quickly.
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